I just like the atmosphere and tempo of this song...Not to mention, Kid Rock's killer stare and sexy voice.
19 October 2008
20 September 2008
You Can Never Bend a "Travelling Bullet"
Stand tall
Hold your 9mm pistol
Trigger finger out
Position your body
Knees slightly bend
Extend both arms, holding the gun
Aim for the target, center of the body mass
Pull the trigger
Slack, slack, slack
Alpha.
Hold your 9mm pistol
Trigger finger out
Position your body
Knees slightly bend
Extend both arms, holding the gun
Aim for the target, center of the body mass
Pull the trigger
Slack, slack, slack
Alpha.
04 September 2008
Finally
Finally, after a long hiatus...I am talking again.
There have been some changes lately about my attitude towards keeping goals, shifting priorities, own happiness vs. other people's happiness, and the serenity in acceptance - that life is short (and sometimes uncooperative) for me to attain my long list of what-i-want-to-do-with-my-life.
Now is the time to reconsider other people's advices.
Now, I've reached to that realization that too much idealism can lead you to frustration...that you cannot have both worlds at the same time. Now, I am only "doing" - and not "expecting" anymore. Just believing on what I am doing.
I am taking quite a leap now...one at a time.
I finally succumed to the thought that I need to watch my diet and kick my butt towards the gym. It's a gamble - whether I can truly shred out this stubborn fats or not cos I am meant to be like this forever. I am now spending everyday at least 60-min non-stop on the Cross Trainer. A friend of mine once told me that it's not good to over-workout the body because it will sometimes lead to a mental disorder. Hehehe. Whatever!
I am finally (and seriously) considering to leave my present job within this year until next year. This thought badly hurts. I have one of the world's exciting jobs (enough to leave me every day fulfilled), but not enough to financially compensate and sustain my other goals and those people who rely on me for support. Leaving this job means giving my back on a career that I once dreamed of.
I am finally delimiting my goals - making it practical and realistically attainable. And while I am now taking steps to realize these goals...it scares the shit out of me. Suddenly, I become nostalgic and starting missing what is, afterall, un-missed.
Am I making the right choices? Do I have enough guts to explore by myself a bigger world -to a path of uncertainty?
**and so I pray**
There have been some changes lately about my attitude towards keeping goals, shifting priorities, own happiness vs. other people's happiness, and the serenity in acceptance - that life is short (and sometimes uncooperative) for me to attain my long list of what-i-want-to-do-with-my-life.
Now is the time to reconsider other people's advices.
Now, I've reached to that realization that too much idealism can lead you to frustration...that you cannot have both worlds at the same time. Now, I am only "doing" - and not "expecting" anymore. Just believing on what I am doing.
I am taking quite a leap now...one at a time.
I finally succumed to the thought that I need to watch my diet and kick my butt towards the gym. It's a gamble - whether I can truly shred out this stubborn fats or not cos I am meant to be like this forever. I am now spending everyday at least 60-min non-stop on the Cross Trainer. A friend of mine once told me that it's not good to over-workout the body because it will sometimes lead to a mental disorder. Hehehe. Whatever!
I am finally (and seriously) considering to leave my present job within this year until next year. This thought badly hurts. I have one of the world's exciting jobs (enough to leave me every day fulfilled), but not enough to financially compensate and sustain my other goals and those people who rely on me for support. Leaving this job means giving my back on a career that I once dreamed of.
I am finally delimiting my goals - making it practical and realistically attainable. And while I am now taking steps to realize these goals...it scares the shit out of me. Suddenly, I become nostalgic and starting missing what is, afterall, un-missed.
Am I making the right choices? Do I have enough guts to explore by myself a bigger world -to a path of uncertainty?
**and so I pray**
26 March 2008
The Saga of the Original Sin
An ordinary day...
Sun so bright and air so fresh
A good siesta is all there is
Adrift in dreams
Hanging well in the wonderland.
27 February 2008
Yet....
That lady sitting at her favorate spot...
She is lost in her thoughts yet she looks serene and calm.
She finds her home but wants to go out and travel the world.
She is surrounded by love yet she feels short of it.
She is careful in her decisions yet careless in her actions.
She appears strong yet she is weak in every corner of her being.
She is old yet she giggles and jumps with glee like a child.
She is a dreamer yet she does not leap high.
She is lonely yet she finds no reason why.
And here I am, also sitting at my favorate spot looking at that lady....
And I ask....
Will it be a sin to ask heaven for her to be simply happy?
She is lost in her thoughts yet she looks serene and calm.
She finds her home but wants to go out and travel the world.
She is surrounded by love yet she feels short of it.
She is careful in her decisions yet careless in her actions.
She appears strong yet she is weak in every corner of her being.
She is old yet she giggles and jumps with glee like a child.
She is a dreamer yet she does not leap high.
She is lonely yet she finds no reason why.
And here I am, also sitting at my favorate spot looking at that lady....
And I ask....
Will it be a sin to ask heaven for her to be simply happy?
14 January 2008
Sabog
Diri sa gawas sa among balay
Naghangad-hangad ako,
Gitutokan, gi-storyahan
Ang mga bituon nga walay libog.
Gipa-ngutana nako sila---
Unsa ang ilang makasulti
Kabahin nako
Nga nag hangad-hangad karon sa langit?
Kung ila bang nabasahan
Ang sulod sa akong huna-huna
Sa mga matag gabii nga mopauli ko sa amoa?
Kung ila bang nasabtan
Ang mga nag dagan-dagan sa akong huna-huna karon?
Kay ako mismo wala kahibaw
Kung unsa dyud akong gustong buhaton.
…Samtang nagpaabot ko sa ilang mga tubag
Magpabilin kong nagtutok sa mga bituon
Kay sila ra ang nakahibaw,
Kay sila ra ang nakakita.
Naghangad-hangad ako,
Gitutokan, gi-storyahan
Ang mga bituon nga walay libog.
Gipa-ngutana nako sila---
Unsa ang ilang makasulti
Kabahin nako
Nga nag hangad-hangad karon sa langit?
Kung ila bang nabasahan
Ang sulod sa akong huna-huna
Sa mga matag gabii nga mopauli ko sa amoa?
Kung ila bang nasabtan
Ang mga nag dagan-dagan sa akong huna-huna karon?
Kay ako mismo wala kahibaw
Kung unsa dyud akong gustong buhaton.
…Samtang nagpaabot ko sa ilang mga tubag
Magpabilin kong nagtutok sa mga bituon
Kay sila ra ang nakahibaw,
Kay sila ra ang nakakita.
16 December 2007
09 December 2007
Closed
I sat there and closed my eyes...
Dreaming of colors and drumbeats
Colorful fireworks winking the dark sky
The wind damped with comfort and peace
And the air filled with music of laughter
...I opened my eyes and there was silence
Awkward silence, lonely silence
I dared not to close my eyes
And not to dream again.
Dreaming of colors and drumbeats
Colorful fireworks winking the dark sky
The wind damped with comfort and peace
And the air filled with music of laughter
...I opened my eyes and there was silence
Awkward silence, lonely silence
I dared not to close my eyes
And not to dream again.
05 December 2007
02 December 2007
When Dogs Do the Darndest Thing
It took us half an hour to pull out Leng-leng's head from the gate's grille.
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In Memories of Lulu
I grew up with no pets around except with one I cannot clearly remember…a pig which my mother groomed for it to be marketable (bloated stomach, cheeks, and legs). Just one pig. And I cried hard when my mother sold it to her “suki,” costing only about P1,500. My pass-time then was feeding it with kangkong.
Years passed – high school craziness, college independence, striving professional…. And out of nowhere, an ugly cat emerged outside our kitchen door. I don’t like cats because of their smell and they just cannot keep their mouths shut when being laid.
Lunches came, dinners passed…and so forth…that cat became the sole recipient of our left-overs. I named her Lulu since then (it was during that time that koreanovela “Princess Lulu” was hitting waves in the air).
Lulu was really ugly but she just became the point of someone’s innate ridicule and care. If others have teddy bears/dolls to talk to, at home…we had Lulu.
Until….
Just nature takes its stride again…one lulu became two, then suddenly six, and then a dozen. Lulu just suddenly became the kitten-maker in the cat world. In every pregnancy, she got six kittens. And she had four pregnancies.
They suddenly became a burden: 1) FOUL SMELL 2) THEY CANNOT UNDERSTAND “EXCUSE ME” WHEN YOU WANT TO PASS THEIR WAY 3) THEY ARE UGLY MALNOURISHED KITTENS 4) THEY ARE NOISY WHEN THEY KNOW YOU ARE EATING INSIDE THE HOUSE 5) GARBAGE CAN IS THEIR PLAY PEN
Just then a neighbor strikes back with his air gun….pointing to every kitten as his target. I really don’t care as long as he doesn’t leave the dead kitten in our backyard. And Lulu became a target also and kept on dying...she just kept on resurrecting too.
Just it happened… Lulu was the last cat standing.
I remember that it was nighttime that I heard the familiar sound of the air gun followed by a soft cry. Lulu’s ninth life was robbed.
I saw her (curling her body to sleep) the following morning and told her that if she gonna die, she has to crawl towards her grave.
From that time on…we have not seen Lulu or even just her body (if she really is dead).
Years passed – high school craziness, college independence, striving professional…. And out of nowhere, an ugly cat emerged outside our kitchen door. I don’t like cats because of their smell and they just cannot keep their mouths shut when being laid.
Lunches came, dinners passed…and so forth…that cat became the sole recipient of our left-overs. I named her Lulu since then (it was during that time that koreanovela “Princess Lulu” was hitting waves in the air).
Lulu was really ugly but she just became the point of someone’s innate ridicule and care. If others have teddy bears/dolls to talk to, at home…we had Lulu.
Until….
Just nature takes its stride again…one lulu became two, then suddenly six, and then a dozen. Lulu just suddenly became the kitten-maker in the cat world. In every pregnancy, she got six kittens. And she had four pregnancies.
They suddenly became a burden: 1) FOUL SMELL 2) THEY CANNOT UNDERSTAND “EXCUSE ME” WHEN YOU WANT TO PASS THEIR WAY 3) THEY ARE UGLY MALNOURISHED KITTENS 4) THEY ARE NOISY WHEN THEY KNOW YOU ARE EATING INSIDE THE HOUSE 5) GARBAGE CAN IS THEIR PLAY PEN
Just then a neighbor strikes back with his air gun….pointing to every kitten as his target. I really don’t care as long as he doesn’t leave the dead kitten in our backyard. And Lulu became a target also and kept on dying...she just kept on resurrecting too.
Just it happened… Lulu was the last cat standing.
I remember that it was nighttime that I heard the familiar sound of the air gun followed by a soft cry. Lulu’s ninth life was robbed.
I saw her (curling her body to sleep) the following morning and told her that if she gonna die, she has to crawl towards her grave.
From that time on…we have not seen Lulu or even just her body (if she really is dead).
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Lulu waiting for her boys
22 September 2007
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10 September 2007
Marian Shrine at Simala, Sibonga, Cebu
large statue of Mother Mary at the shrine
the shrine at the background
a long walk before you will reach this top as printed in Sun.Star Cebu
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Marian shrine draws 50T folks
By Jujemay G. Awit
AN estimated 50,000 people flocked to Upper Lindogon, Barangay Simala in Sibonga Saturday, a feast day that celebrates the birth of the Virgin Mary.
Some offered flowers while others gave petitions at the shrine, which devotees believe to be miraculous and which they credit for the end of a dengue fever outbreak.
On what used to be a bare, rocky hill, a chapel was built on the site before the two-story Marian Monks of the Eucharistic Adoration church came to be.
The sanctuary, at least two kilometers from the highway, was visited by devotees, some of whom came as early as Friday night.
Blue and white banderitas lined the way. Babies cradled by their parents, teenagers normally seen in malls, young professionals and old people who could barely walk without assistance trudged the trail leading up the hill.
Some came to honor promises.
Among them was 62-year-old Zosimo Gellica Villadolid, Carcar town, who is diabetic. He started making pilgrimages to Simala after his ailment started getting worse six years ago. “I don’t know if I got cured but I felt better. Every time I come here, I always feel relieved,” he said in Cebuano. Since then, he made an oath to always visit the place, not just on the Virgin Mary’s birthday.
While others came out of curiosity after hearing about the site, most of those who went asked for divine intervention. There were those who want to pass board exams. Others want to be cured. Bantay Radyo’s Mar “Hala-Bira” Mendez, a regular visitor, said he once brought a grandchild who could not open his eyes. After praying to the Blessed Mother at the sanctuary, the child was healed.
Sacrifice
Cebu Archbishop Ricardo Cardinal Vidal led devotees in singing a birthday song for the Virgin Mary. In his homily during the pontifical mass, the archbishop talked about how love is forgotten when people get the best in life like money, power and success in their career, but break up their families and relationships instead.
Because there were too many vehicles, some of the visitors opted to park midway to the sanctuary. Others were stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. The long, hot walk was part of the sacrifice, said the 55-year-old Lina.
Pilgrims also flock to the sanctuary every 13th of the month.
The shrine of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Simala has become popular because of a number of “miracles” attributed to it. The statue of the Blessed Mother reportedly shed tears of blood on Aug. 17 and 22, 1998. The same year, it allegedly shed tears again during her birthday, the anniversary of the apparition of the Lady of Fatima on Oct. 13, and on Dec. 29.
Origins
People believed that Mama Mary shed tears because of the dengue outbreak that plagued Simala that year. The story of how the image of the Our Lady of Fatima was handed over as a gift to the Marian Monks of the Eucharistic Adoration is also shrouded in mystery.
Originally from Pampanga, the Marian Monks were planning to build a church in Simala when a woman offered the image to a monk, Mendez said. The woman was leaving for America and asked that the statue be taken care of. Just as the monk turned to say thanks, she was gone.
Yesterday, pilgrims from as far as Tarlac, Pampanga, Davao, Leyte and other places visited the shrine, bringing with them banners greeting the Virgin Mary a “Happy Birthday.” Many devotees arrived with umbrellas and drinks. Most visitors actually came as early as the day before, and either set up tents or slept in nearby cottages. Others unrolled sleeping bags, or whatever they could use, and slept on the ground.
Festivities
At midnight, a vigil was held, followed by a 1:30 a.m. mañanita capped with a fireworks display. After the pontifical mass at 10 a.m. another mass was celebrated at 3 p.m., followed by a procession and the coronation of the Blessed Mother at 8 p.m.
With people coming and going, policemen, soldiers, Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency 7 operatives with sniffing dogs, and volunteers kept everybody safe. Eight Carcar Emergency Assistance Group members were also present to help. A number of people passed out because the path leading to the shrine was so thick with people there was barely air to breath. Although a number of ambulances were on standby, it was hard to drive out to the highway.
But the celebration of the Virgin Mary’s birthday also proved to be a business opportunity for some people, who not only sold food and drinks but also hawked face towels printed with birthday greetings for Mother Mary, fans, and bottled olive oil blessed by the monks. (JGA)
Sudden Thoughts of Him
Fables and myths suddenly awashed me
Stories of which you animatedly shared to me
Then...
I sat and listened attentively with your stories.
Stories of your travels and your experiences from each
Never ceased to mesmerize me
Then...
I dreamed to become a traveller just like who you were.
Unplanned travels within the country
And joyrides on your motorcyle
Then...
And until now still remain the best adventure of my lifetime.
The giggles I used to get from your tickles
And the little gifts that surprised me during your visits
Then...
How I always looked forward to your every visit.
The beauty of education
And the value of respect to parents
Then...
I embedded it into my heart, where until now it still reside.
I am running out of words to say about him. It has been more than a month since his birthday and, still, I'm not yet done with my writing about him, a supposedly my one way of celebrating his birthday. It's difficult to push down every letter in the keyboard because every pounce of letter is a slit in the wound that I thought never existed. And it's difficult to proceed to another paragraph when every thought of him (sweet memories with him) breaks the bondage of frigidness.
I still have lots of beautiful stories about him. How he never gets tired of travelling and how he is so passionate in his researches and writings. How funny his smirks sounded and how the smell of his cigarrettes used to overwhelm the entire living room.
I wanted to believe that I am my father's daughter, yet, there are instances that I do not want to. I still have lots of questions which I know that can never be answered. Where silence of understanding is the best relief I can give to myself...longings and needs that were never answered surpassed the cute fables and the motorcycle adventures.
I still hope we will see each other again while it is still can be done. As of now, I just never thought that I am who I am until this writing. I never thought that this sudden occurence of thoughts about him make me realize that I miss my father, afterall.
Belated Happy Birthday Daddy!
Stories of which you animatedly shared to me
Then...
I sat and listened attentively with your stories.
Stories of your travels and your experiences from each
Never ceased to mesmerize me
Then...
I dreamed to become a traveller just like who you were.
Unplanned travels within the country
And joyrides on your motorcyle
Then...
And until now still remain the best adventure of my lifetime.
The giggles I used to get from your tickles
And the little gifts that surprised me during your visits
Then...
How I always looked forward to your every visit.
The beauty of education
And the value of respect to parents
Then...
I embedded it into my heart, where until now it still reside.
I am running out of words to say about him. It has been more than a month since his birthday and, still, I'm not yet done with my writing about him, a supposedly my one way of celebrating his birthday. It's difficult to push down every letter in the keyboard because every pounce of letter is a slit in the wound that I thought never existed. And it's difficult to proceed to another paragraph when every thought of him (sweet memories with him) breaks the bondage of frigidness.
I still have lots of beautiful stories about him. How he never gets tired of travelling and how he is so passionate in his researches and writings. How funny his smirks sounded and how the smell of his cigarrettes used to overwhelm the entire living room.
I wanted to believe that I am my father's daughter, yet, there are instances that I do not want to. I still have lots of questions which I know that can never be answered. Where silence of understanding is the best relief I can give to myself...longings and needs that were never answered surpassed the cute fables and the motorcycle adventures.
I still hope we will see each other again while it is still can be done. As of now, I just never thought that I am who I am until this writing. I never thought that this sudden occurence of thoughts about him make me realize that I miss my father, afterall.
Belated Happy Birthday Daddy!
22 August 2007
I'm Tagged...
I am not really receptive to this kind of "tagging thing" that has been creating waves in the blog areas. If not just for a good friend of mine (who tagged me into this), I will not be spending sudden thoughts for this. Anyhow, for the sake of fun...
----------------------------------------------
Here are the rules for “8 facts”:
In the “8 facts,” you share 8 things that your readers don’t know about you. At the end, you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going. Each blogger must post these rules first.
Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
At the end of the post, a blogger needs to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment they’re tagged, and to ask them to read your blog.
----------------------------
tagged by Omar
The Eight Wonders of Uning:
1. I love talking to myself. If there are no people around, I usually do the "talking-to-myself" live, with all the hand gestures and facial expressions. What are the topics that I usually talked about? Anything under the sun. I usually create a setting wherein I am being interviewed; thus, all the talkings as my answers of the interview. If there are people around, I do it in a "daydream" mode. So, if you see me having blank stares, I am under attack of this mental sickness.
2. It is my habit to playback a song that I really like as many times as I like, until I get tired of it. And I mean, for at least 2 hours straight of doing this. My digital player has more than a hundred songs, yet I only keep repeating one song. Thanks to this digital gadget, no hassles for rewinds. And I am a late bloomer when it comes to songs...I kept on repeating "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce Knowles for the past 2 months. And now I am under the spell of "This Kiss" by Faith Hill and "Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani. Just today, I played "This Kiss" in the office for straight 8 hours, nonstop. I feel sorry for my officemates, so I just let the volume low most of the time. :-)
3. I do not know how to swim despite the fact that I took swimming lessons when I was 10 years old.
4. I get tounge-tied and dumb-founded if in front of a smart gorgeous guy. I prefer running away.
5. My favorite past time is cleaning the house. I even told myself that I can be a good house keeper. And when I clean, there should be no people inside the house - i hate interruptions. I love cleaning but I hate doing the dishes.
6. I love make-ups but I do not usually wear them. My favorite is my eyeshadow kit with nude shades.
7. I am bad in spelling.
8. At the age of 25, I still do have curfew (toink!).
------------------------------------------------------
and now my revenge - I am tagging...
Freya
J
Jay-jay
Alvin
Regina
Tingting
Hazel
Issa
----------------------------------------------
Here are the rules for “8 facts”:
In the “8 facts,” you share 8 things that your readers don’t know about you. At the end, you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going. Each blogger must post these rules first.
Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
At the end of the post, a blogger needs to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment they’re tagged, and to ask them to read your blog.
----------------------------
tagged by Omar
The Eight Wonders of Uning:
1. I love talking to myself. If there are no people around, I usually do the "talking-to-myself" live, with all the hand gestures and facial expressions. What are the topics that I usually talked about? Anything under the sun. I usually create a setting wherein I am being interviewed; thus, all the talkings as my answers of the interview. If there are people around, I do it in a "daydream" mode. So, if you see me having blank stares, I am under attack of this mental sickness.
2. It is my habit to playback a song that I really like as many times as I like, until I get tired of it. And I mean, for at least 2 hours straight of doing this. My digital player has more than a hundred songs, yet I only keep repeating one song. Thanks to this digital gadget, no hassles for rewinds. And I am a late bloomer when it comes to songs...I kept on repeating "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce Knowles for the past 2 months. And now I am under the spell of "This Kiss" by Faith Hill and "Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani. Just today, I played "This Kiss" in the office for straight 8 hours, nonstop. I feel sorry for my officemates, so I just let the volume low most of the time. :-)
3. I do not know how to swim despite the fact that I took swimming lessons when I was 10 years old.
4. I get tounge-tied and dumb-founded if in front of a smart gorgeous guy. I prefer running away.
5. My favorite past time is cleaning the house. I even told myself that I can be a good house keeper. And when I clean, there should be no people inside the house - i hate interruptions. I love cleaning but I hate doing the dishes.
6. I love make-ups but I do not usually wear them. My favorite is my eyeshadow kit with nude shades.
7. I am bad in spelling.
8. At the age of 25, I still do have curfew (toink!).
------------------------------------------------------
and now my revenge - I am tagging...
Freya
J
Jay-jay
Alvin
Regina
Tingting
Hazel
Issa
20 August 2007
That Feeling...
“Sauna, gusto dyud ko mag doctor, ako-a dyud na nga dream. I pursued for that ambition. Tanan libaong willing nako agian to be a doctor…pero, ambot lang pag doctor na nako and I was able to work in a government hospital…nawala ang spark…it’s more of a frustration than a drive to do even more…it’s more like seeing the other side nga daghan people nag suffer, bati ang facilities, daghan masakiton na dili maatiman…and yet, here I am a doctor, cannot do anything about it. Kanang feeling na wala koy mabuhat when I know naa koy mabuhat…Medyo confusing ko noh?….”
It was just a part of the conversation I had last night with some high school friends together with some doctors in the government. I enjoyed the conversation more than the food I ate (to my surprise) because, although I am not sure of the sincerity of the “speaker” for the reason that I just met the person, I know what he said is something real. I did not make a comment, I did not say a word, I did not nod and approved with what he said….I kept silent. Most friends know me as the bubbly boisterous laughing kiddo in the corner…I don’t what to surprise them with my innate seriousness and empathy towards daily frustrations of having done only less for my country.
I was happy to hear those words. Someone is also feeling the same thing as what has been bothering me for the past few years. That feeling of how you strive in your job and be the best utility there is (in your own capacity), yet you still feel short from the expectations you set for yourself. That feeling of being able to help, yet the “help” is still not enough. That feeling of you cannot do anything. That feeling of helplessness. And the feeling of being frustrated because despite how you rock mountains, still the problems are there. I even once said to myself that even if I will reach a hundred years old, still Central Visayas will remain a zero forest cover region and Basilan will still be a war-torn place. Filipinos will still cry for help, and dams will be running out of water. Politics will still be dirty and Elections will still remain one of the most chaotic democratic practices in the coutry.
Seeing all of these things, I said… it’s frustrating.
Doc is in his mid-30s when he said those words …I hope that when I reach such age I will be not be saying the same thing anymore.
It was just a part of the conversation I had last night with some high school friends together with some doctors in the government. I enjoyed the conversation more than the food I ate (to my surprise) because, although I am not sure of the sincerity of the “speaker” for the reason that I just met the person, I know what he said is something real. I did not make a comment, I did not say a word, I did not nod and approved with what he said….I kept silent. Most friends know me as the bubbly boisterous laughing kiddo in the corner…I don’t what to surprise them with my innate seriousness and empathy towards daily frustrations of having done only less for my country.
I was happy to hear those words. Someone is also feeling the same thing as what has been bothering me for the past few years. That feeling of how you strive in your job and be the best utility there is (in your own capacity), yet you still feel short from the expectations you set for yourself. That feeling of being able to help, yet the “help” is still not enough. That feeling of you cannot do anything. That feeling of helplessness. And the feeling of being frustrated because despite how you rock mountains, still the problems are there. I even once said to myself that even if I will reach a hundred years old, still Central Visayas will remain a zero forest cover region and Basilan will still be a war-torn place. Filipinos will still cry for help, and dams will be running out of water. Politics will still be dirty and Elections will still remain one of the most chaotic democratic practices in the coutry.
Seeing all of these things, I said… it’s frustrating.
Doc is in his mid-30s when he said those words …I hope that when I reach such age I will be not be saying the same thing anymore.
12 August 2007
When Lightning Strikes Her
I paused and took some moment to breathe. When was the last time I heard myself breathing? When was the last time I strolled and did not pace? When was the last time I looked myself in the mirror? When was the last time I took a halt? And got a real rest?
There are things that have to be done regardless of what your soul truly feels. You have to because you are obliged to do it. You have to because you will be guilt-stricken if you cannot fulfill that obligation. Life is a mystery, indeed - we have the freedom of choice, but we just cannot choose the one that we really want to choose.
When was the last time I bought myself a pair of expensive shoes? When was the last time I promised myself to buy new sneakers? When was the last time I watched movies in surround sound theater?
When was the last time I laughed my heart out until I shimmered my eyes with tears? When was the last time I hugged a person and felt the warmth of assurance?
I have been so busy lately that I lost track of choices that I really want to choose. I shut my windows so hard that I walked passed through a lot of beautiful and heart-warming chances of what living should be all about.
Tomorrow...I will start living again. Tomorrow, I will attend my tito's birthday and taste my good friend's latest recipe. I will not touch the computer. I will watch my favorite tv show until I will fall into slumber and dream away.
Tomorrow I will resign from a job which I got not a long time ago. After all, living is not really how much money I have right now, but it is more about the people who I crazily love in this crazy world.