My Daemon

influenced by pathetic croaks...

Closed

I sat there and closed my eyes...

Dreaming of colors and drumbeats
Colorful fireworks winking the dark sky
The wind damped with comfort and peace
And the air filled with music of laughter

...I opened my eyes and there was silence
Awkward silence, lonely silence
I dared not to close my eyes
And not to dream again.

The Girls Are Back

Their charisma as a group never ceased to amaze me......

REUNITED SPICES

When Dogs Do the Darndest Thing

It took us half an hour to pull out Leng-leng's head from the gate's grille.

In Memories of Lulu

I grew up with no pets around except with one I cannot clearly remember…a pig which my mother groomed for it to be marketable (bloated stomach, cheeks, and legs). Just one pig. And I cried hard when my mother sold it to her “suki,” costing only about P1,500. My pass-time then was feeding it with kangkong.

Years passed – high school craziness, college independence, striving professional…. And out of nowhere, an ugly cat emerged outside our kitchen door. I don’t like cats because of their smell and they just cannot keep their mouths shut when being laid.

Lunches came, dinners passed…and so forth…that cat became the sole recipient of our left-overs. I named her Lulu since then (it was during that time that koreanovela “Princess Lulu” was hitting waves in the air).

Lulu was really ugly but she just became the point of someone’s innate ridicule and care. If others have teddy bears/dolls to talk to, at home…we had Lulu.

Until….

Just nature takes its stride again…one lulu became two, then suddenly six, and then a dozen. Lulu just suddenly became the kitten-maker in the cat world. In every pregnancy, she got six kittens. And she had four pregnancies.

They suddenly became a burden: 1) FOUL SMELL 2) THEY CANNOT UNDERSTAND “EXCUSE ME” WHEN YOU WANT TO PASS THEIR WAY 3) THEY ARE UGLY MALNOURISHED KITTENS 4) THEY ARE NOISY WHEN THEY KNOW YOU ARE EATING INSIDE THE HOUSE 5) GARBAGE CAN IS THEIR PLAY PEN

Just then a neighbor strikes back with his air gun….pointing to every kitten as his target. I really don’t care as long as he doesn’t leave the dead kitten in our backyard. And Lulu became a target also and kept on dying...she just kept on resurrecting too.

Just it happened… Lulu was the last cat standing.

I remember that it was nighttime that I heard the familiar sound of the air gun followed by a soft cry. Lulu’s ninth life was robbed.

I saw her (curling her body to sleep) the following morning and told her that if she gonna die, she has to crawl towards her grave.
From that time on…we have not seen Lulu or even just her body (if she really is dead).

Lulu waiting for her boys

Resurface

After a long hiatus...I am back!

Sinful Window

Our office window is an accident prone area. Here are some of its victims:

Marian Shrine at Simala, Sibonga, Cebu

large statue of Mother Mary at the shrine

the shrine at the background

a long walk before you will reach this top

as printed in Sun.Star Cebu

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Marian shrine draws 50T folks

By Jujemay G. Awit

AN estimated 50,000 people flocked to Upper Lindogon, Barangay Simala in Sibonga Saturday, a feast day that celebrates the birth of the Virgin Mary.

Some offered flowers while others gave petitions at the shrine, which devotees believe to be miraculous and which they credit for the end of a dengue fever outbreak.

On what used to be a bare, rocky hill, a chapel was built on the site before the two-story Marian Monks of the Eucharistic Adoration church came to be.

The sanctuary, at least two kilometers from the highway, was visited by devotees, some of whom came as early as Friday night.

Blue and white banderitas lined the way. Babies cradled by their parents, teenagers normally seen in malls, young professionals and old people who could barely walk without assistance trudged the trail leading up the hill.

Some came to honor promises.

Among them was 62-year-old Zosimo Gellica Villadolid, Carcar town, who is diabetic. He started making pilgrimages to Simala after his ailment started getting worse six years ago. “I don’t know if I got cured but I felt better. Every time I come here, I always feel relieved,” he said in Cebuano. Since then, he made an oath to always visit the place, not just on the Virgin Mary’s birthday.

While others came out of curiosity after hearing about the site, most of those who went asked for divine intervention. There were those who want to pass board exams. Others want to be cured. Bantay Radyo’s Mar “Hala-Bira” Mendez, a regular visitor, said he once brought a grandchild who could not open his eyes. After praying to the Blessed Mother at the sanctuary, the child was healed.

Sacrifice

Cebu Archbishop Ricardo Cardinal Vidal led devotees in singing a birthday song for the Virgin Mary. In his homily during the pontifical mass, the archbishop talked about how love is forgotten when people get the best in life like money, power and success in their career, but break up their families and relationships instead.

Because there were too many vehicles, some of the visitors opted to park midway to the sanctuary. Others were stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. The long, hot walk was part of the sacrifice, said the 55-year-old Lina.

Pilgrims also flock to the sanctuary every 13th of the month.

The shrine of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Simala has become popular because of a number of “miracles” attributed to it. The statue of the Blessed Mother reportedly shed tears of blood on Aug. 17 and 22, 1998. The same year, it allegedly shed tears again during her birthday, the anniversary of the apparition of the Lady of Fatima on Oct. 13, and on Dec. 29.

Origins

People believed that Mama Mary shed tears because of the dengue outbreak that plagued Simala that year. The story of how the image of the Our Lady of Fatima was handed over as a gift to the Marian Monks of the Eucharistic Adoration is also shrouded in mystery.

Originally from Pampanga, the Marian Monks were planning to build a church in Simala when a woman offered the image to a monk, Mendez said. The woman was leaving for America and asked that the statue be taken care of. Just as the monk turned to say thanks, she was gone.

Yesterday, pilgrims from as far as Tarlac, Pampanga, Davao, Leyte and other places visited the shrine, bringing with them banners greeting the Virgin Mary a “Happy Birthday.” Many devotees arrived with umbrellas and drinks. Most visitors actually came as early as the day before, and either set up tents or slept in nearby cottages. Others unrolled sleeping bags, or whatever they could use, and slept on the ground.

Festivities

At midnight, a vigil was held, followed by a 1:30 a.m. mañanita capped with a fireworks display. After the pontifical mass at 10 a.m. another mass was celebrated at 3 p.m., followed by a procession and the coronation of the Blessed Mother at 8 p.m.

With people coming and going, policemen, soldiers, Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency 7 operatives with sniffing dogs, and volunteers kept everybody safe. Eight Carcar Emergency Assistance Group members were also present to help. A number of people passed out because the path leading to the shrine was so thick with people there was barely air to breath. Although a number of ambulances were on standby, it was hard to drive out to the highway.

But the celebration of the Virgin Mary’s birthday also proved to be a business opportunity for some people, who not only sold food and drinks but also hawked face towels printed with birthday greetings for Mother Mary, fans, and bottled olive oil blessed by the monks. (JGA)

Sudden Thoughts of Him

Fables and myths suddenly awashed me
Stories of which you animatedly shared to me
Then...
I sat and listened attentively with your stories.

Stories of your travels and your experiences from each
Never ceased to mesmerize me
Then...
I dreamed to become a traveller just like who you were.

Unplanned travels within the country
And joyrides on your motorcyle
Then...
And until now still remain the best adventure of my lifetime.

The giggles I used to get from your tickles
And the little gifts that surprised me during your visits
Then...
How I always looked forward to your every visit.

The beauty of education
And the value of respect to parents
Then...
I embedded it into my heart, where until now it still reside.

I am running out of words to say about him. It has been more than a month since his birthday and, still, I'm not yet done with my writing about him, a supposedly my one way of celebrating his birthday. It's difficult to push down every letter in the keyboard because every pounce of letter is a slit in the wound that I thought never existed. And it's difficult to proceed to another paragraph when every thought of him (sweet memories with him) breaks the bondage of frigidness.

I still have lots of beautiful stories about him. How he never gets tired of travelling and how he is so passionate in his researches and writings. How funny his smirks sounded and how the smell of his cigarrettes used to overwhelm the entire living room.

I wanted to believe that I am my father's daughter, yet, there are instances that I do not want to. I still have lots of questions which I know that can never be answered. Where silence of understanding is the best relief I can give to myself...longings and needs that were never answered surpassed the cute fables and the motorcycle adventures.

I still hope we will see each other again while it is still can be done. As of now, I just never thought that I am who I am until this writing. I never thought that this sudden occurence of thoughts about him make me realize that I miss my father, afterall.

Belated Happy Birthday Daddy!

I'm Tagged...

I am not really receptive to this kind of "tagging thing" that has been creating waves in the blog areas. If not just for a good friend of mine (who tagged me into this), I will not be spending sudden thoughts for this. Anyhow, for the sake of fun...
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Here are the rules for “8 facts”:
In the “8 facts,” you share 8 things that your readers don’t know about you. At the end, you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going. Each blogger must post these rules first.
Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
At the end of the post, a blogger needs to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment they’re tagged, and to ask them to read your blog.
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tagged by Omar

The Eight Wonders of Uning:

1. I love talking to myself. If there are no people around, I usually do the "talking-to-myself" live, with all the hand gestures and facial expressions. What are the topics that I usually talked about? Anything under the sun. I usually create a setting wherein I am being interviewed; thus, all the talkings as my answers of the interview. If there are people around, I do it in a "daydream" mode. So, if you see me having blank stares, I am under attack of this mental sickness.

2. It is my habit to playback a song that I really like as many times as I like, until I get tired of it. And I mean, for at least 2 hours straight of doing this. My digital player has more than a hundred songs, yet I only keep repeating one song. Thanks to this digital gadget, no hassles for rewinds. And I am a late bloomer when it comes to songs...I kept on repeating "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce Knowles for the past 2 months. And now I am under the spell of "This Kiss" by Faith Hill and "Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani. Just today, I played "This Kiss" in the office for straight 8 hours, nonstop. I feel sorry for my officemates, so I just let the volume low most of the time. :-)

3. I do not know how to swim despite the fact that I took swimming lessons when I was 10 years old.

4. I get tounge-tied and dumb-founded if in front of a smart gorgeous guy. I prefer running away.

5. My favorite past time is cleaning the house. I even told myself that I can be a good house keeper. And when I clean, there should be no people inside the house - i hate interruptions. I love cleaning but I hate doing the dishes.

6. I love make-ups but I do not usually wear them. My favorite is my eyeshadow kit with nude shades.

7. I am bad in spelling.

8. At the age of 25, I still do have curfew (toink!).
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and now my revenge - I am tagging...

Freya
J
Jay-jay
Alvin
Regina
Tingting
Hazel
Issa

That Feeling...

“Sauna, gusto dyud ko mag doctor, ako-a dyud na nga dream. I pursued for that ambition. Tanan libaong willing nako agian to be a doctor…pero, ambot lang pag doctor na nako and I was able to work in a government hospital…nawala ang spark…it’s more of a frustration than a drive to do even more…it’s more like seeing the other side nga daghan people nag suffer, bati ang facilities, daghan masakiton na dili maatiman…and yet, here I am a doctor, cannot do anything about it. Kanang feeling na wala koy mabuhat when I know naa koy mabuhat…Medyo confusing ko noh?….”

It was just a part of the conversation I had last night with some high school friends together with some doctors in the government. I enjoyed the conversation more than the food I ate (to my surprise) because, although I am not sure of the sincerity of the “speaker” for the reason that I just met the person, I know what he said is something real. I did not make a comment, I did not say a word, I did not nod and approved with what he said….I kept silent. Most friends know me as the bubbly boisterous laughing kiddo in the corner…I don’t what to surprise them with my innate seriousness and empathy towards daily frustrations of having done only less for my country.

I was happy to hear those words. Someone is also feeling the same thing as what has been bothering me for the past few years. That feeling of how you strive in your job and be the best utility there is (in your own capacity), yet you still feel short from the expectations you set for yourself. That feeling of being able to help, yet the “help” is still not enough. That feeling of you cannot do anything. That feeling of helplessness. And the feeling of being frustrated because despite how you rock mountains, still the problems are there. I even once said to myself that even if I will reach a hundred years old, still Central Visayas will remain a zero forest cover region and Basilan will still be a war-torn place. Filipinos will still cry for help, and dams will be running out of water. Politics will still be dirty and Elections will still remain one of the most chaotic democratic practices in the coutry.

Seeing all of these things, I said… it’s frustrating.

Doc is in his mid-30s when he said those words …I hope that when I reach such age I will be not be saying the same thing anymore.

Sun-kissed under a beautiful street

When Lightning Strikes Her

I paused and took some moment to breathe. When was the last time I heard myself breathing? When was the last time I strolled and did not pace? When was the last time I looked myself in the mirror? When was the last time I took a halt? And got a real rest?

There are things that have to be done regardless of what your soul truly feels. You have to because you are obliged to do it. You have to because you will be guilt-stricken if you cannot fulfill that obligation. Life is a mystery, indeed - we have the freedom of choice, but we just cannot choose the one that we really want to choose.

When was the last time I bought myself a pair of expensive shoes? When was the last time I promised myself to buy new sneakers? When was the last time I watched movies in surround sound theater?

When was the last time I laughed my heart out until I shimmered my eyes with tears? When was the last time I hugged a person and felt the warmth of assurance?

I have been so busy lately that I lost track of choices that I really want to choose. I shut my windows so hard that I walked passed through a lot of beautiful and heart-warming chances of what living should be all about.

Tomorrow...I will start living again. Tomorrow, I will attend my tito's birthday and taste my good friend's latest recipe. I will not touch the computer. I will watch my favorite tv show until I will fall into slumber and dream away.

Tomorrow I will resign from a job which I got not a long time ago. After all, living is not really how much money I have right now, but it is more about the people who I crazily love in this crazy world.

Tuesday Midnight Madness

***when the rest of the world is sleeping, i am here counting pc keyboard strikes**

Bullshit! I am suppose to be in the middle of this spontaneous hardcore work-related writing when this f#^?ing toothache (“teethache”) strikes back again. A few minutes ago, I drank my fifth 500-mg pain reliever for the day. This is a nightmare. I have a deadline to beat tomorrow morning but this overwhelming pain is eating so much attention…grrrrr…I cannot even open my mouth wide-full. Both upper and lower pre-molar teeth are in pain. Both are adjacent with each other that when I close my mouth, it kisses each other. I am loosing my precious teeth. I am in pain. I am so anxious over these deadlines. I cannot eat chocolate (to pull me out from this distress) as of the moment because my molars hurt. Got no more 3-in-1 coffee packs here to keep me going. I am invalidly whining. I just want to sleep and roll on my bed but time is warning me against time. My momentum for analytic writing had just waned at this second and I am back with my senseless random thoughts. I am now trying very hard to resurface from this scary abyss but I just cannot do it. I am really getting old, I guess.

What makes tooth cavities so important that it had to be created in the first place??? Enlighten me.

If Begets If

If darkness speaks of lost…

If rainbow speaks of colors and wonder…

If coffee speaks of accompaniment…

If road speaks of direction…

If rainfall speaks of retreat…

If tears speak of both pain and joy…

If hugs speak of comfort...

If occasions speak of warmth...

If time speaks of now…

And distance speaks of patience…

Then, what does my heart speak of?

Needs Attention

It was a boring ride...until i reached this junction and saw this traffic light. This one really made me laugh...

to hold on or to let go?

How did Tidbit get pregnant?

I read a news article from Cebu Daily News (dated June 27, 2007) that really caught my attention. It talked about a shark, Tidbit, which was believed to be pregnant without having "sex." Poor Tidbit....

SHARK PREGNANCY BAFFLES AQUARIUM

NORFOLK, Virginia – Veterinarian Bob George sliced open the dead shark and saw the outline of a fish. No surprise there, since sharks digest their food slowly.

Then George realized he wasn’t looking at the stomach of the blacktip reef shark, but at her uterus. In it was a perfectly formed, 10-inch long shark pup that was almost ready to be born.

George was dumbfounded.

He had been examining the shark, Tidbit, to figure out why she reacted badly to routine sedatives during a physical and died, hours after biting an aquarium curator on the shin. Now there was a bigger mystery: How did Tidbet get pregnant?

“We must have had hanky panky” in the shark tank, he thought.

But sharks only breed with sharks of the same species, and there were no male blacktip reef sharks at the Virginia Aquarium and Marine Science Center in Virginia Beach.

Could Tidbit have defied nature, resulting in the first known shark hybrid?

The other possibility was that Tidbit had conceived without needing a male at all.

A recent study had documented the first confirmed case of asexual reproduction, or parthenogenesis, among sharks: a pup born at a Nebraska zoo came from an egg that developed in a female shark without sperm from a male.

One of the scientists who worked on that study contacted the aquarium, which sent him tissue samples from Tdibit and her pup for testing. If the pup’s DNA turns out to contain no contribution from a male shark, this would be the second known case of shark parthenogenesis. (AP)

In my research, though, some sharks do really get pregnant even though there's none presence of sperm. According to Wikipedia.com (a little bit of shark-not-having-sex-but-getting-pregnant history):

SHARKS

In 2001 a bonnethead, a type of small hammerhead shark was thought to have produced a pup, born live on the 14th December 2001, in captivity in a tank containing three female hammerheads but no males; thought to be through parthenogenic means at Henry Doorly Zoo in Nebraska. The shark pup was apparently killed by a stingray within three days of birth.^[16] The investigation of the birth was conducted by the research team from Queen's University Belfast, the Southeastern University in Florida, and Henry Doorly Zoo itself and concluded after DNA testing that the reproduction took place under parthenogenic circumstances. The testing showed the pup's DNA matched only one female that lived in the tank, and that no male DNA was present in the pup. The pup was not a twin or clone of the mother, but rather contained only half her DNA ("automictic parthenogenesis"). The type of reproduction exhibited had been seen before in bony fish but never in cartilaginous fish such as sharks.

In 2002, two white-spotted bamboo sharks were born at the Belle Isle Aquarium in Detroit after hatching 15 weeks after laying. The birth baffled experts as the mother shared an aquarium with only one other female shark. The female bamboo sharks had laid eggs in the past. This is not unexpected, as many animals will lay infertile eggs even if there is not a male to mate with. Normally, the eggs are assumed to be infertile and are discarded. This batch was left alone by the curator as he had heard about the previous birth in 2001 in Nebraska.

Other possibilities had been considered for the birth of the Detroit bamboo sharks included thoughts that the sharks had been fertilized by a male and stored the sperm for a period of time and also the possibility that the Belle Isle bamboo shark is a hermaphrodite, harboring both male and female sex organs, and capable of fertilizing its own eggs.

The repercussions of self fertilization in sharks, which reduces the genetic diversity of the offspring, is a matter of concern for shark experts, taking into consideration conservation management strategies for this species, particularly in areas where there may be a shortage of males due to fishing or environmental pressures.

Unlike Komodo dragons, which have a WZ chromosome system and produce male (ZZ) offspring by parthenogenesis, sharks have an XY chromosome system, so they produce only female (XX) offspring by parthenogenesis. As a result, sharks cannot restore a depleted male population through parthenogenesis, so an all-female population must come in contact with an outside male before normal sexual reproduction can resume.

Melting of the Chocolate

photographed by Gerwin Bhuyo

The arrows of the sun melt the chocolate doll
Away in her sleep, her inevitable call.
Pronounced bones showing the kind of work
Making her dusky sweat out of sort.

Five.Four.Three.Two.One.

Fireflies are stars in the green carpet
As the chocolate doll dances without fret.
Her soft hands touch the silky moon
And heaven widens to give more tune.

One.Two.Three.Four.Five.

Wake up and work as it always seems
Putting fireflies in the pedestal of dreams.
Presence should be there or things will be falling

And once again, it's time for chocolate melting.

Nest-mesmerized

What makes a house a home?

I’ve discovered yesterday afternoon a bird’s nest outside our office building. It was my first time to see up-close a bird’s nest…I even touched it.

I went like this to my officemates: “Hala nest! Naay nest! Naa diri! Cute kaayo! Tan-awa ninyo ang nest!"

Just imagine my ignorance and delight and my fascination and my clapping of hands with matching jump of “hurrahs”…just can’t hide my “joy” over this….NEST. I was thrilled. Probably, that feeling of seeing David Beckham doing the striptease for me. Awrrrhha……

I even went afar imagining myself hosting one of the episodes in National Geographic Channel…dubbing the episode as “Wonders of Twigs” or can also be “Mini Structures” or “Wild Wonders”…And I dropped the thought. It’s been ages ago that I shelved the idea of becoming one of the world’s sought-after discoverers of the unknowns.

Back to the nest. It was an amazing architecture. Who would have thought that ordinary twigs, which people and animals stepped on, can be used as materials for a good shelter. It was safely placed and cushioned among the branches of plants. I shook the branches…the nest was undisturbed. I shook harder…the nest stayed put…I shook more…then a little head popped out…And, unlikely, I felt guilty.

There it was…a “baby bird” (sounds improper)…or shall I say, a “birdlet”…Its mouth was wide open, waiting for some food from the mother. Or maybe crying for help because an alien invaded their home.

The “birdlet” created some noise at that time, maybe feeling the threat of my intrusion. So, I just left it there...letting nature take its stride.

the nest

the "birdlet"

Refuge

Have you thought of just shutting your eyes close? So forceful that you can feel your eyeballs sipping into your throat and tear ducts exploding the last drop of its salty liquid. When you just purse your lips and hold your breath and think nothing. And clench your fists so hard beside your hips that you can feel your arms getting stiff. And you're not breathing...you're simply just holding the air within.

And when you exhale.And let go of your fingers. And open your eyes....How you wish there is only one person you see. And a warm hug will do.

cutie Baby Athalia
**the innocent and the corrupts**

Facade

You see colors and glitters
You are touched by the smile
You praise the tongue of wisdom
And envy laughter’s flight.
Halfway, it is a joke and
The other is a game.
Happiness is at its peak, but
Just look and feel it.

Deceived that’s what you are
Downpour of disguise
You never saw it
Need your heart to feel it.

It’s just a façade
The real thing is right inside.

Renaissance

It’s 16th of June 2007 and I’m back to blogging. This is the real something that I truly missed doing for the past few years – free writing, wild expression, poetry, whines and laughs rolled into words.